The day had been so strange the random woman trying to help him, their to quick English. The sorrow of being once again truly alone... maybe not exactly, even before he had companions even those he didn't like. The time between arriving on the Ketil Farm until Einar arrived almost a year later, that was the last time he truly remembered being alone. A jarl dropped down to a thrall. There had been anger for a short time, then a calm. He shouldn't even be alive for what he had done all that time ago.
Maybe he was paying for it now.
Now in this strange stuffy house, in the uncomfortable heat. Sitting in the dried pants he had arrived in, the whole outfit at dried in the time since Jo brought him home. The heat of the place made his drying hair lift the way it used to in his youth. He was sitting on the floor by the bed in the darkness. He understood that Jo had gone to lay down, to try and sleep he figured.
He was glad to be alone honestly, he didn't want her seeing the hot liquid dripping from his eyes. The silence he had mastered from years of suffering, years of pushing forward no matter what no matter how much his mind screamed to just stop and drop wherever he was and just sleep. Sleep brought the demons. Sleep brought his dead to him. He didn't want to wake her with that. She was not Einar, she was not Ylfa... Seeing the woman from his old dream again now he could see the differences she wasn't Ylfa, but she was one of his own. The angry boy he had been needed her in that strange place.
The man he was needed her here. She's going to help, help more than the tears never help. he lifts his fist biting down on his knuckles to stop a noise from escaping. He had finally made it home. Finally saw the smiling faces of his family... and now he was here. Another trying place having to learn to live again.
He wasn't alone, but he didn't want her seeing his tears.
He didn't remember falling asleep, he didn't remember the different place. It was the sound of his name being screamed that brought him back to reality. His voice hurting, his arms held down by a woman who by all rights he didn't think could really have stopped him unless she was stronger than she looks. There is a tired worry in her eyes but he can't explain it. The silence speaks enough.
"Jo." He spoke her name, the soreness remaining, the way it does when he's screamed himself raw. He frowned unsure what else he could say. She just nodded and pulled her arms free.
"This happen a lot, Thorfinn?" She asked like he could understand, he didn't know what she said he just smiled awkwardly. "I'm guessing yes. I'm going back to bed. Goodnight, Thorfinn." She spoke pushing off the floor. Thorfinn watched her as she moved from the room sparing him a look back. He pushed off the floor and moved to sit in the window. The woods. Yes, once the sun rose maybe he would just try to go exploring to ease his soul
A few days of sleeping like absolute rank manure was grating at Thorfinn's nerves. It was hot, his nightmares were worse than ever and he was only just starting to catch on to some of the words Jo speaks to him. Jo was about the only siver lining in the whole village.
Somedays he just enjoyed being out in the woods, running free tracking and hunting. Providing for himself and Jo the way a man his age SHOULD provide for wife and family. But Thorfinn wasn't married. Jo wasn't his wife. She was more like his closest confident outside of Einar, once in another world he likened her to Ylfa, but Jo was not Ylfa. Jo was both harder and softer than his sister could ever be in different ways.
He had been laying in bed thinking about all of these different things feeling the ache deep in his bones, an ache he knew well enough from his years on the farm. An ache he grew into, he never felt like this in his youth, but as he got older some days getting out of bed or crawling out of the hey was just the hardest task. He heard the door shut downstairs. He assumed Jo was coming or going. He usually tried to be up and out before she went about her day, it was just his way, but today he had gone back to sleep after his nightmares and actually woke on his own.
Pushing off the bed he padded out of the room, his hair hung loose and tangled, wearing just the long john pants that were in his pack, they were the strangest of clothes and ones he knew not to wear out of the house. He usually went to the river to collect a bowl of water to clean his face but he felt drained enough to just go into the bathroom. He could still sometimes hear Lord Loki's voice 'C is cold, H is hot, don't burn yourself' He didn't trust the indoor water, but he didn't feel like walking to the river.
Turning the knobs he lowered his face and spashed water from the sink up. Cleaning his face off and running his fingers through his hair. Standing back up he finally saw the looking glass on the wall. His brown eyes went wide.
His long blonde hair was a mess, his skin tanned but his features handsome. Much like his mother, Thorkell was right. He did favor his mother in looks. He stood there quietly turning his face looking at the lines under his eyes the chunk of his ear gone. Einar had told him to look at his reflection in the water some time, but he never did. When he sometimes saw himself he saw what he viewed a man still bloody. Not the man blinking back at him.
reaching a hand out he half expected to be greeted by the feel of skin...but cold glass instead.
"It's a mirror." A voice broke him from staring, only then did he realize she was there. A sign of how distracted he was. He flushed a bit at being caught doing something so childish. Jo came closer and tapped the frame. "Mirror."
"Mirror." He repeated, she was teaching him what this glass was called and he could tell.
"Good. Now, are you hungry?" He nodded to her question. "Come on than, let's eat."
The nights were hot and sticky, and Thorfinn was miserable from it. He wasn't sleeping well, not that he ever did, but worse than usual. It didn't matter how tired he was, he just never slept enough. Always half in and out of it. He needed to sleep, there was work to be done when the sun rose and the moon was already high in the sky.
He just couldn't find it in him, sleep wouldn't come. The wind was blowing for once, the wolves howling in the distance. The night was alive and while he wanted to sleep his mind was racing.
He knew a way to shut it off, but it wasn't something he did often.
Once he had reached a certain age, there was no more ignoring his bodies wants. Try as he did sometimes it just became something he had to do or his moods turned sour fast. Before Einar arrived in his life it had been less awkward, laying alone in a pile of hay with a threadbare sheet with no one around. He could work the aggression off. Once his sworn brother arrived, he realized he was not so strange, he would roll over and ignore any noises. Einar did the same for him. They never spoke of it. It was a normal enough thing it seemed.
He was certain Einar thought of Arneis in those lonely hours of desperation. But, Thorfinn, he never thought of any one person, any one thing but the end result. Sleep. Thorfinn liked woman well enough, but he was shy and didn't know what to say half the time. What did he like in a woman? Long hair, blonde was preferable but as long as it was long hair, he didn't care, nice legs. Oh legs were so rarely seen because of dresses, and since coming to this strange land where his housemate didn't seem to care what she wore, he was coming to realize just how he did enjoy the sight of a great pair of legs.
It was at this thought crossing his mind that lead to his mind wandering.
It was dangerous to do, but danger had never stopped him before. He had to stay quiet and that he knew how to do. Last thing he wanted was to have the door fly open with Jo rushing to wake him and catch him in the act. The hotter it got in the house the less and less he slept in. It was one of the few nights he had dare wear nothing at all to sleep in, just wound up in the sheets of the bed.
It made it easier though, not having to work through layers of clothes to get the job done. It wasn't easy being quiet as possible. The bed creaks with little movement, so its tricky to get a rhythm going without the springs moaning. The other issue was his breathing, everything sounded to loud. Every noise had his mind running fast, what if he woke Jo? what if he got caught? What if woman did not have these same needs. He really was ignorant when it came to the fairer sex, and that ignorance made him bite his lip and try to keep stone silent while his body started to burn hotter with the speed and strength of his scarred hand on his hardened flesh.
Maybe it was the worry of getting caught, or the building excitement... or his earlier thoughts of a pair of legs moving down the hall with just a tiny scrap of white faberic and the black shirt keeping her decent. It was terrible of him to think of her at that moment. He should be ashamed, but it was his mind. No one would ever know. The bounce of breasts under the black shirt, the rare smile and laugh. These images danced through his mind. The things he pretends not to notice.
A creak from the next room and footsteps cause his mind to panic. he stays deadly still as his body aches for release. Twenty three steps to the bathroom, a minute or so and a flush and twenty three steps back, the creak of the bed and he still stayed still. Staring at the wall wide eyed. She was in there, maybe like him she was sleeping in nothing at all.
'You could go over there, and have your wicked way' a voice in his head whispered, but no. He wasn't like that, he was never like that. The thought alone started to send a chill through him and another howl could be heard, the wolves were closer tonight.
The howls grew louder, loud enough.
Finally, he could take it no longer, the delay in the quiet pleasure was scratching up his skin. The fast hard strokes returned as his mind betrayed him again returning again to a woman so close. A gasp escaped him before he could catch it as his sight went wide and he felt his body tense as his frustrations came out in the form of a sticky whitish mess lacing his scared fingers and thighs.
Gross
Blood was better, blood was less slick and sticky, well in different ways.
Reaching down he found the white long john shirt he had never before warn and used it to clean the mess he had made of his hand and legs. He rolled on his side tossing it under the bed as he fought to keep his eyes open. Finally, fucking finally, with one arm still over the edge of the bed wrapped up in the sheet. Thorfinn's mind finally went quiet and he closed his eyes.
It was earlier enough that the birds were still chirping their morning songs, while Thorfinn walked along side the river. He had had a good catch the day before and decided since the meat had already been taken care of that he would take the day off from hunting in favor of exploring.
Something about water had always eased his soul, maybe that was why he choose to follow the river instead of running through the woods today.
Thorfinn had spent his morning bathing far upstream so no one would find him, with Jo's tracking of days he assumed it to be Saturday, so every seven days he goes and baths extra well on that seventh day. His hair was still drying as he sat shirtless at the table working with one of the smaller pelts that he knew would not be useful in his eventual cloak. He was skinning the fur off of it so it could be worked into raw hide for more uses later.
Then the shaking started things started to fall and shake hard around the kitchen his knife stabbed into the table as he rushed over to the large cabinet, throwing his back against it to keep the large piece of furniture that held the dishes from falling over and shattering everything. He could hear glass breaking inside as the pans and other things shook out of the other cabinets, the others were on the walls.
His heart was pounding, for once in a very long time he felt fear course through himself. Fight or flight instincts kicking in but he didn't have it in him to flee, no. He and Jo already lost enough he had to keep the cabinet standing up though the harder the shaking got, the harder standing up became. When he was finally knocked off his feet he rolled out of the way as the cabinet shook but didn't topple. A horrible noise came from further inside the house but the shaking was still to firm to get up yet. He was trying to keep from getting hit with any of the larger things that came falling from the counters. Eventually the shaking stopped, and he was able to push himself to sit up, holding his heart as he looked at the mess around him.
How was he going to explain this?
About an hour later after he had spoke to Jo and Kol, he had shot out the back door through the yard. He could see limbs and trees in the cleared fields, broken trees in the woods, damage all around. Biting his lip he pushed on he could feel his blood boiling the longer he stayed still eventually he was sprinting as fast as he could for the tree line, a burning sensation in his eyes and Adrenalin still pumping from the fear in the quakes.
He ran until his legs ached from the speed and distance. He had reached a spot of the woods he hadn't really spent much time in, dropping to his knees he could no longer hold it back, he started pulling at his own hair and screamed as deep as it would come from his soul. He didn't care who heard him. He was deep enough in the woods that he could be gone before anyone found him and deny it later. After the scream he started hitting the ground until he got himself back to his feet and swung at the nearest thing a tree. He was lucky he didn't shatter his hand, but he kept hitting with both hands until both ached, both bloody and swelling a bit. Dropping back to his knees he started to sob.
It was to much. Losing his family for the second time by cosmic kidnapping, being brought back into a situation only a little better than the one he had just been freed from, only now without the support of his best friend. Arneis' death, the woman here that reminded him so much of her... The language barrier, the destruction, the suffering of himself and those around him.
By the time his tears ran dry he felt like he could just sleep right there on the dirty ground. He knew if he didn't get home eventually one of his housemates would come looking for him, he's sure he didn't look very convincing when he stormed out of the house. Taking a deep ragged breath he pushed himself off the ground and started to trudge slowly back towards the village. The house was a mess, the village was a mess, Thorfinn had a lot of work ahead of him.
Thorfinn had had plans for the Harvest Moon, the moon was always important to the ways he worked. Sometimes the full moon effected his moods, though he never seemed to pay mind his temper was shorter, he would keep to himself more. He had come home around sunset doing his usual combing of his hair and looking out the window of his room at the moon in the night sky.
He didn't even feel like going out like he had planned to do. Pushing off the floor he moved into the kitchen taking some water, and moved to the fireplace starting a small fire. He was an expert when it came to working the fireplace at least. All of them where. Once the fire was going he placed the water and some of the sea milkweed that had been in his room dropping it in the pot he placed in the fire he sat silently watching the water boil. It would take awhile but it was important to let it boil.
After a while of watching the water boil he grabbed his discard shirt and used it to grab the handle of the pot carrying it across the hose to the kitchen pouring the contents of the pan into a cup. He didn't usually enjoy hot drinks, but he wasn't planning to drink the drink for the sake of taste, it wouldn't be the best drink. No, it was a sleeping agent. The hot pan was dropped in the sink as he moved back to the sitting room with the cup sitting down on the floor watching the fire. After a few minutes passed to let the drink cool he lifted it and took a drink. Suppressing a shutter at the flavor.
By the time he had finished the contents of the glass it was clear he wouldn't be making it to the bedroom. The glass was still in his hand when he slumped over, his hair veiling his face while the fire slowly burned out. For once their was no screaming when dawn came. Thorfinn remained sound asleep until late in the morning waking up to the realization that he was still dead tired. The glass was left on the floor as he stumbled to the water room, handling the reason that woke him before shuffling on down the hall a little to collapse in bed. Who care what people may think. He worked nearly non-stop in daylight hours unless meetings happened or he stopped to converse. He was taking a day to just stay in bed. He was a karl again, he could do as he pleased.
Thorfinn knew what time of year it was as soon as he saw the moon in the sky. The Harvest moon was upon them. Dread filled him knowing that the village would not be ready for a harsh winter. His prayers were for a mild winter. The night the moon was at its highest he had planned to go out, but he was just to tired, and sleep was needed. He spent most of the next day in bed as well. He rarely stayed in bed, so he figured a day would not hurt things.
By the evening of the twentith he got himself out of bed. With no real confirmation of the date beyond Jo's markings and the moon he couldn't be sure the day was right, but he could not ignore the need any longer. He slipped out the back door without telling Jo or Kol, making his way to the woods. He had every intention of avoiding the two woods dwellers. He had a duty he must preform.
When he returned home in the morning he had a rabbit over his shoulder. dried blood in designs across his face. The rabbit was skinned and left for dinner that night. He had one other thing he needed to do before he could rest or get back to felling trees. The rabbit was to be eaten, it was important, but now he had to go find one more animal, and collect some more water for the house. It was while out seeking the spring to refill the container he had been carrying water in that he saw the goat in the field. It was no easy task catching the animal and fetching the water. The two tasks ended up combining when the goat nearly got away causing Thorfinn to trip into the spring. By the time he reached the village, with his belt around the goat like a makeshift leash, very careful not to let it choke the animal, he left the water container on the back porch and made his way to the abode of his god.
It was very nearly afternoon when Thorfinn pushed open a window and put the goat inside of the home he had found to be Thor's home. He had thought of leaving it outside but, he had no rope to tie it up. So in a moment of creative thinking, instead of trying the door he moved and pushed open one of the front windows, reaching back to put the small goat through the window, then closed the window. It was time to get back to work. He had left a fine tribute for his god. The day would be good.
He was breathing heavily, everything in him ached. His hands hurt worse than anything as he pulled himself up the cliff face. 'I'm going to fall.' He kept thinking as he pulled with all of his might. There was no bottom in sight, just the edge of the cliff high above. 'Give me the strength... don't let me fall.' he prayed as he pulled his way up.
He could hear the groans and whispers coming as his heart filled with panic. The cold death hands pulling themselves up his legs as he looked down seeing the mountain of corpses grabbing at him. They had not been there long but they were climbing up him now. Throwing curses, demanding answers, He tried to climb faster... losing his hold and then he started to fall.
"NOOO!" he screamed loud, just not in the dream, but aloud in his bed as he started to thrash violently.
His hand caught a rock, the skin bleeding now as he held tight with the extra weight. Tears coming down his face as his heart pounded. He knew to fall meant the end of him. To hit the ground was to give himself to them.
"Thorfinn!" a voice soft like honey called from above. He craned his head up fearful, he couldn't.... it couldn't be. But leaning over the edge of the cliff holding a hand down was his beloved dead friend. "Thorfinn! Don't give up! Come on take my hand, don't stop fighting come on!" she pleaded with him, dressed in a simple beautiful white gown, er blonde hair was free of dirt and blood, her face no longer swollen and half bandaged, she was as beautiful as his memories always painted her and it hurt worse. She was still calling his name and he started climbing pulling the weight of the dead trying to get to her.
No matter how much it hurt, he had to. She was waiting for him. He could see outlines around him... it must be Garder and her children... "STOP LOOKING DOWN! CLIMB THORFINN!" she screamed down to him, the way she had screamed her husbands name when she saw him riding the field looking for her.
But when he moved his hand he lost his hold and started to plunge into the darkness again carried faster down by the weight of his dead as she screamed his name. He cried back out to her as he fell
"ARNEIS!"
The name ripped through the silent night as Thorfinn shot up in bed, panting with tears falling from his eyes. Not even realizing yet that he was back to reality.
Every now and then Thorfinn would catch a knuckle or cut himself using the axe. He rarely thought much of these little wounds. He had often gotten knicks here and there throughout his years. He would often stop what he was doing to watch the blood flow for a few moments before placing the wound between his lips. He had tasted blood many times, not always on purpose. Today he was sitting by himself up in a tree. The nightmares and whispers of those around him had driven him to the woods. He was sitting by himself on a high branch the snow was piled high and he was dressed warm.
"Ask veit ek standa, heitir Yggdrasill hár baðmr, ausinn hvíta auri; þaðan koma döggvar þærs í dala falla; stendr æ yfir grœnn Urðar brunni."
He sang low to himself, he never let people hear him sing, even as a boy he was very secretive of his voice reaching people's ears. He had been feeling very bad of late, not in sickness but tired and unhappy. He didn't know how to express it, he didn't know what to do. It was easier when he felt nothing, before he made friends, before he found reasons to push on and live. Those reasons were gone now, and he still felt that taking his life would not help end his troubles just take him faster to them. He had to redeem himself and helping the villager even with just wood helped a little but today, singing to himself in the tree he could feel the hot tears forming in his eyes. The sight of his dead below him on the ground trying to reach up to him as he sang on.
"Ask veit ek standa, heitir Yggdrasill hár baðmr, ausinn hvíta auri; þaðan koma döggvar þærs í dala falla; stendr æ yfir grœnn Urðar brunni."
When he would sit by himself in the barn long before Einar, and even before Askeladd died, when he felt things like this, like he was not worthy of the air he breathed, he of often push his sleeve or pull up his pants leg, a shallow slice, bleed out the bad blood. Let the monster be drained some. But it had been a long time since he had had the urge to do such a thing. Einar had seen it done once, and had spazzed on him. Telling him it was not something people do. While he didn't want to disappoint Einar, he didn't have Einar, and if asked he could claim an accident.
He pushed his sleeve up, the knife pulled from his side as he still sang on. The blade slid into his palm just near the end of his thumb, a bit of fatty flesh, a spot no one would question as soon as he saw the crimson seep throug the cut he moved his arm out the blood flowing from the cut dropping down to the pure snow. While the snow stained he saw it as the drops hitting the dead below him. He rested his head against the trunk of the tree, feeling more liquid flow but from his eyes this time.
What would his father think of him? What would ASkeladd think of what he's become. A man hiding in the woods crying, hiding away while he bleed his pain away.
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Arrival Night: The quiet hours
Date: 2016-08-17 03:01 am (UTC)Maybe he was paying for it now.
Now in this strange stuffy house, in the uncomfortable heat. Sitting in the dried pants he had arrived in, the whole outfit at dried in the time since Jo brought him home. The heat of the place made his drying hair lift the way it used to in his youth. He was sitting on the floor by the bed in the darkness. He understood that Jo had gone to lay down, to try and sleep he figured.
He was glad to be alone honestly, he didn't want her seeing the hot liquid dripping from his eyes. The silence he had mastered from years of suffering, years of pushing forward no matter what no matter how much his mind screamed to just stop and drop wherever he was and just sleep. Sleep brought the demons. Sleep brought his dead to him. He didn't want to wake her with that. She was not Einar, she was not Ylfa... Seeing the woman from his old dream again now he could see the differences she wasn't Ylfa, but she was one of his own. The angry boy he had been needed her in that strange place.
The man he was needed her here. She's going to help, help more than the tears never help. he lifts his fist biting down on his knuckles to stop a noise from escaping. He had finally made it home. Finally saw the smiling faces of his family... and now he was here. Another trying place having to learn to live again.
He wasn't alone, but he didn't want her seeing his tears.
He didn't remember falling asleep, he didn't remember the different place. It was the sound of his name being screamed that brought him back to reality. His voice hurting, his arms held down by a woman who by all rights he didn't think could really have stopped him unless she was stronger than she looks. There is a tired worry in her eyes but he can't explain it. The silence speaks enough.
"Jo." He spoke her name, the soreness remaining, the way it does when he's screamed himself raw. He frowned unsure what else he could say. She just nodded and pulled her arms free.
"This happen a lot, Thorfinn?" She asked like he could understand, he didn't know what she said he just smiled awkwardly. "I'm guessing yes. I'm going back to bed. Goodnight, Thorfinn." She spoke pushing off the floor. Thorfinn watched her as she moved from the room sparing him a look back. He pushed off the floor and moved to sit in the window. The woods. Yes, once the sun rose maybe he would just try to go exploring to ease his soul
A Morning the first week: A clear Reflection
Date: 2016-08-17 09:12 pm (UTC)Somedays he just enjoyed being out in the woods, running free tracking and hunting. Providing for himself and Jo the way a man his age SHOULD provide for wife and family. But Thorfinn wasn't married. Jo wasn't his wife. She was more like his closest confident outside of Einar, once in another world he likened her to Ylfa, but Jo was not Ylfa. Jo was both harder and softer than his sister could ever be in different ways.
He had been laying in bed thinking about all of these different things feeling the ache deep in his bones, an ache he knew well enough from his years on the farm. An ache he grew into, he never felt like this in his youth, but as he got older some days getting out of bed or crawling out of the hey was just the hardest task. He heard the door shut downstairs. He assumed Jo was coming or going. He usually tried to be up and out before she went about her day, it was just his way, but today he had gone back to sleep after his nightmares and actually woke on his own.
Pushing off the bed he padded out of the room, his hair hung loose and tangled, wearing just the long john pants that were in his pack, they were the strangest of clothes and ones he knew not to wear out of the house. He usually went to the river to collect a bowl of water to clean his face but he felt drained enough to just go into the bathroom. He could still sometimes hear Lord Loki's voice 'C is cold, H is hot, don't burn yourself' He didn't trust the indoor water, but he didn't feel like walking to the river.
Turning the knobs he lowered his face and spashed water from the sink up. Cleaning his face off and running his fingers through his hair. Standing back up he finally saw the looking glass on the wall. His brown eyes went wide.
His long blonde hair was a mess, his skin tanned but his features handsome. Much like his mother, Thorkell was right. He did favor his mother in looks. He stood there quietly turning his face looking at the lines under his eyes the chunk of his ear gone. Einar had told him to look at his reflection in the water some time, but he never did. When he sometimes saw himself he saw what he viewed a man still bloody. Not the man blinking back at him.
reaching a hand out he half expected to be greeted by the feel of skin...but cold glass instead.
"It's a mirror." A voice broke him from staring, only then did he realize she was there. A sign of how distracted he was. He flushed a bit at being caught doing something so childish. Jo came closer and tapped the frame. "Mirror."
"Mirror." He repeated, she was teaching him what this glass was called and he could tell.
"Good. Now, are you hungry?" He nodded to her question. "Come on than, let's eat."
**NSFW** Random Night: Dirty little secret
Date: 2016-08-25 05:55 pm (UTC)He just couldn't find it in him, sleep wouldn't come. The wind was blowing for once, the wolves howling in the distance. The night was alive and while he wanted to sleep his mind was racing.
He knew a way to shut it off, but it wasn't something he did often.
Once he had reached a certain age, there was no more ignoring his bodies wants. Try as he did sometimes it just became something he had to do or his moods turned sour fast. Before Einar arrived in his life it had been less awkward, laying alone in a pile of hay with a threadbare sheet with no one around. He could work the aggression off. Once his sworn brother arrived, he realized he was not so strange, he would roll over and ignore any noises. Einar did the same for him. They never spoke of it. It was a normal enough thing it seemed.
He was certain Einar thought of Arneis in those lonely hours of desperation. But, Thorfinn, he never thought of any one person, any one thing but the end result. Sleep. Thorfinn liked woman well enough, but he was shy and didn't know what to say half the time. What did he like in a woman? Long hair, blonde was preferable but as long as it was long hair, he didn't care, nice legs. Oh legs were so rarely seen because of dresses, and since coming to this strange land where his housemate didn't seem to care what she wore, he was coming to realize just how he did enjoy the sight of a great pair of legs.
It was at this thought crossing his mind that lead to his mind wandering.
It was dangerous to do, but danger had never stopped him before. He had to stay quiet and that he knew how to do. Last thing he wanted was to have the door fly open with Jo rushing to wake him and catch him in the act. The hotter it got in the house the less and less he slept in. It was one of the few nights he had dare wear nothing at all to sleep in, just wound up in the sheets of the bed.
It made it easier though, not having to work through layers of clothes to get the job done. It wasn't easy being quiet as possible. The bed creaks with little movement, so its tricky to get a rhythm going without the springs moaning. The other issue was his breathing, everything sounded to loud. Every noise had his mind running fast, what if he woke Jo? what if he got caught? What if woman did not have these same needs. He really was ignorant when it came to the fairer sex, and that ignorance made him bite his lip and try to keep stone silent while his body started to burn hotter with the speed and strength of his scarred hand on his hardened flesh.
Maybe it was the worry of getting caught, or the building excitement... or his earlier thoughts of a pair of legs moving down the hall with just a tiny scrap of white faberic and the black shirt keeping her decent. It was terrible of him to think of her at that moment. He should be ashamed, but it was his mind. No one would ever know. The bounce of breasts under the black shirt, the rare smile and laugh. These images danced through his mind. The things he pretends not to notice.
A creak from the next room and footsteps cause his mind to panic. he stays deadly still as his body aches for release. Twenty three steps to the bathroom, a minute or so and a flush and twenty three steps back, the creak of the bed and he still stayed still. Staring at the wall wide eyed. She was in there, maybe like him she was sleeping in nothing at all.
'You could go over there, and have your wicked way' a voice in his head whispered, but no. He wasn't like that, he was never like that. The thought alone started to send a chill through him and another howl could be heard, the wolves were closer tonight.
The howls grew louder, loud enough.
Finally, he could take it no longer, the delay in the quiet pleasure was scratching up his skin. The fast hard strokes returned as his mind betrayed him again returning again to a woman so close. A gasp escaped him before he could catch it as his sight went wide and he felt his body tense as his frustrations came out in the form of a sticky whitish mess lacing his scared fingers and thighs.
Gross
Blood was better, blood was less slick and sticky, well in different ways.
Reaching down he found the white long john shirt he had never before warn and used it to clean the mess he had made of his hand and legs. He rolled on his side tossing it under the bed as he fought to keep his eyes open. Finally, fucking finally, with one arm still over the edge of the bed wrapped up in the sheet. Thorfinn's mind finally went quiet and he closed his eyes.
Babies didn't sleep this good.
At least until dawn neared.
IN WORKS incomplete
Date: 2016-08-25 06:05 pm (UTC)Something about water had always eased his soul, maybe that was why he choose to follow the river instead of running through the woods today.
Sept 10th: Cut Scene
Date: 2016-09-13 03:59 pm (UTC)Then the shaking started things started to fall and shake hard around the kitchen his knife stabbed into the table as he rushed over to the large cabinet, throwing his back against it to keep the large piece of furniture that held the dishes from falling over and shattering everything. He could hear glass breaking inside as the pans and other things shook out of the other cabinets, the others were on the walls.
His heart was pounding, for once in a very long time he felt fear course through himself. Fight or flight instincts kicking in but he didn't have it in him to flee, no. He and Jo already lost enough he had to keep the cabinet standing up though the harder the shaking got, the harder standing up became. When he was finally knocked off his feet he rolled out of the way as the cabinet shook but didn't topple. A horrible noise came from further inside the house but the shaking was still to firm to get up yet. He was trying to keep from getting hit with any of the larger things that came falling from the counters. Eventually the shaking stopped, and he was able to push himself to sit up, holding his heart as he looked at the mess around him.
How was he going to explain this?
About an hour later after he had spoke to Jo and Kol, he had shot out the back door through the yard. He could see limbs and trees in the cleared fields, broken trees in the woods, damage all around. Biting his lip he pushed on he could feel his blood boiling the longer he stayed still eventually he was sprinting as fast as he could for the tree line, a burning sensation in his eyes and Adrenalin still pumping from the fear in the quakes.
He ran until his legs ached from the speed and distance. He had reached a spot of the woods he hadn't really spent much time in, dropping to his knees he could no longer hold it back, he started pulling at his own hair and screamed as deep as it would come from his soul. He didn't care who heard him. He was deep enough in the woods that he could be gone before anyone found him and deny it later. After the scream he started hitting the ground until he got himself back to his feet and swung at the nearest thing a tree. He was lucky he didn't shatter his hand, but he kept hitting with both hands until both ached, both bloody and swelling a bit. Dropping back to his knees he started to sob.
It was to much. Losing his family for the second time by cosmic kidnapping, being brought back into a situation only a little better than the one he had just been freed from, only now without the support of his best friend. Arneis' death, the woman here that reminded him so much of her... The language barrier, the destruction, the suffering of himself and those around him.
By the time his tears ran dry he felt like he could just sleep right there on the dirty ground. He knew if he didn't get home eventually one of his housemates would come looking for him, he's sure he didn't look very convincing when he stormed out of the house. Taking a deep ragged breath he pushed himself off the ground and started to trudge slowly back towards the village. The house was a mess, the village was a mess, Thorfinn had a lot of work ahead of him.
Sept 19th/20th: Sleeping through the Haustmánuður.
Date: 2016-09-21 01:54 am (UTC)He didn't even feel like going out like he had planned to do. Pushing off the floor he moved into the kitchen taking some water, and moved to the fireplace starting a small fire. He was an expert when it came to working the fireplace at least. All of them where. Once the fire was going he placed the water and some of the sea milkweed that had been in his room dropping it in the pot he placed in the fire he sat silently watching the water boil. It would take awhile but it was important to let it boil.
After a while of watching the water boil he grabbed his discard shirt and used it to grab the handle of the pot carrying it across the hose to the kitchen pouring the contents of the pan into a cup. He didn't usually enjoy hot drinks, but he wasn't planning to drink the drink for the sake of taste, it wouldn't be the best drink. No, it was a sleeping agent. The hot pan was dropped in the sink as he moved back to the sitting room with the cup sitting down on the floor watching the fire. After a few minutes passed to let the drink cool he lifted it and took a drink. Suppressing a shutter at the flavor.
By the time he had finished the contents of the glass it was clear he wouldn't be making it to the bedroom. The glass was still in his hand when he slumped over, his hair veiling his face while the fire slowly burned out. For once their was no screaming when dawn came. Thorfinn remained sound asleep until late in the morning waking up to the realization that he was still dead tired. The glass was left on the floor as he stumbled to the water room, handling the reason that woke him before shuffling on down the hall a little to collapse in bed. Who care what people may think. He worked nearly non-stop in daylight hours unless meetings happened or he stopped to converse. He was taking a day to just stay in bed. He was a karl again, he could do as he pleased.
Sept 21st: A gift for the gods.
Date: 2016-09-22 06:28 pm (UTC)By the evening of the twentith he got himself out of bed. With no real confirmation of the date beyond Jo's markings and the moon he couldn't be sure the day was right, but he could not ignore the need any longer. He slipped out the back door without telling Jo or Kol, making his way to the woods. He had every intention of avoiding the two woods dwellers. He had a duty he must preform.
When he returned home in the morning he had a rabbit over his shoulder. dried blood in designs across his face. The rabbit was skinned and left for dinner that night. He had one other thing he needed to do before he could rest or get back to felling trees. The rabbit was to be eaten, it was important, but now he had to go find one more animal, and collect some more water for the house. It was while out seeking the spring to refill the container he had been carrying water in that he saw the goat in the field. It was no easy task catching the animal and fetching the water. The two tasks ended up combining when the goat nearly got away causing Thorfinn to trip into the spring. By the time he reached the village, with his belt around the goat like a makeshift leash, very careful not to let it choke the animal, he left the water container on the back porch and made his way to the abode of his god.
It was very nearly afternoon when Thorfinn pushed open a window and put the goat inside of the home he had found to be Thor's home. He had thought of leaving it outside but, he had no rope to tie it up. So in a moment of creative thinking, instead of trying the door he moved and pushed open one of the front windows, reaching back to put the small goat through the window, then closed the window. It was time to get back to work. He had left a fine tribute for his god. The day would be good.
Nightmare
Date: 2016-11-17 02:54 pm (UTC)He could hear the groans and whispers coming as his heart filled with panic. The cold death hands pulling themselves up his legs as he looked down seeing the mountain of corpses grabbing at him. They had not been there long but they were climbing up him now. Throwing curses, demanding answers, He tried to climb faster... losing his hold and then he started to fall.
"NOOO!" he screamed loud, just not in the dream, but aloud in his bed as he started to thrash violently.
His hand caught a rock, the skin bleeding now as he held tight with the extra weight. Tears coming down his face as his heart pounded. He knew to fall meant the end of him. To hit the ground was to give himself to them.
"Thorfinn!" a voice soft like honey called from above. He craned his head up fearful, he couldn't.... it couldn't be. But leaning over the edge of the cliff holding a hand down was his beloved dead friend. "Thorfinn! Don't give up! Come on take my hand, don't stop fighting come on!" she pleaded with him, dressed in a simple beautiful white gown, er blonde hair was free of dirt and blood, her face no longer swollen and half bandaged, she was as beautiful as his memories always painted her and it hurt worse. She was still calling his name and he started climbing pulling the weight of the dead trying to get to her.
No matter how much it hurt, he had to. She was waiting for him. He could see outlines around him... it must be Garder and her children... "STOP LOOKING DOWN! CLIMB THORFINN!" she screamed down to him, the way she had screamed her husbands name when she saw him riding the field looking for her.
But when he moved his hand he lost his hold and started to plunge into the darkness again carried faster down by the weight of his dead as she screamed his name. He cried back out to her as he fell
"ARNEIS!"
The name ripped through the silent night as Thorfinn shot up in bed, panting with tears falling from his eyes. Not even realizing yet that he was back to reality.
Jan 15th - Mid afternoon
Date: 2017-01-19 05:08 pm (UTC)"Ask veit ek standa,
heitir Yggdrasill
hár baðmr, ausinn
hvíta auri;
þaðan koma döggvar
þærs í dala falla;
stendr æ yfir grœnn
Urðar brunni."
He sang low to himself, he never let people hear him sing, even as a boy he was very secretive of his voice reaching people's ears. He had been feeling very bad of late, not in sickness but tired and unhappy. He didn't know how to express it, he didn't know what to do. It was easier when he felt nothing, before he made friends, before he found reasons to push on and live. Those reasons were gone now, and he still felt that taking his life would not help end his troubles just take him faster to them. He had to redeem himself and helping the villager even with just wood helped a little but today, singing to himself in the tree he could feel the hot tears forming in his eyes. The sight of his dead below him on the ground trying to reach up to him as he sang on.
"Ask veit ek standa,
heitir Yggdrasill
hár baðmr, ausinn
hvíta auri;
þaðan koma döggvar
þærs í dala falla;
stendr æ yfir grœnn
Urðar brunni."
When he would sit by himself in the barn long before Einar, and even before Askeladd died, when he felt things like this, like he was not worthy of the air he breathed, he of often push his sleeve or pull up his pants leg, a shallow slice, bleed out the bad blood. Let the monster be drained some. But it had been a long time since he had had the urge to do such a thing. Einar had seen it done once, and had spazzed on him. Telling him it was not something people do. While he didn't want to disappoint Einar, he didn't have Einar, and if asked he could claim an accident.
He pushed his sleeve up, the knife pulled from his side as he still sang on. The blade slid into his palm just near the end of his thumb, a bit of fatty flesh, a spot no one would question as soon as he saw the crimson seep throug the cut he moved his arm out the blood flowing from the cut dropping down to the pure snow. While the snow stained he saw it as the drops hitting the dead below him. He rested his head against the trunk of the tree, feeling more liquid flow but from his eyes this time.
What would his father think of him? What would ASkeladd think of what he's become. A man hiding in the woods crying, hiding away while he bleed his pain away.